Kubec Baby Blog

Xander's Thoughts on the Economy

2009-04-25T13:55:00.000-06:00

Xander's First Days

2009-04-18T14:27:00.002-06:00

Here are some pictures from the hospital and our first few days at home.

I left in a couple pictures that were on my camera from the belly cast that we did at 39 weeks, so you can see how big I got! There are also a couple of really attractive pictures of me during pushing--I think they are horrible pictures of me, but considering they were taken about 20 minutes before I gave birth I think they are pretty cool anyway.

Little Soccer Fan

2009-04-18T14:22:00.002-06:00

Erik sent this email to his soccer team, I thought it was cute so I am re-posting.

Hey guys,

Xander was born last Saturday 4-11 at 2:39pm. Obvious priorities have kept me from email, so this announcement is a bit later than I would have liked.

He watched his first UEFA cup game--Chelsea versus Liverpool--the following Wednesday and seemed to enjoy it, although he was more interested in the crowd noise than debating whether Torres' lack of direct involvement on the ball was a detriment to Liverpool or an effective decoy that created opportunities for his teammates.

I suppose I need to be patient.

Mom and baby did awesome--bloodied (mom) and bruised (baby)--but a healthy normal birth for both. Gwen did awesome. Taking no pain medicine or labor inducing hormones, her labor started slow and then surprised everybody by quickly accelerating. They called it 'spontaneous labor.'

Whoever came up with the idea that slang names for female body parts indicate weakness or a lack of toughness or endurance has never seen a natural birth.

Xander is already starting to gain weight, and mom and dad are getting some sleep!

Was hoping that tomorrow would be his first major outing for our game, but the weather looks likely to postpone that date.

-e

Our Birth Story

2009-04-16T12:07:00.002-06:00

I think I would have gotten a lot out of reading other people's birth stories prior to having a baby this weekend, so I'm going to write mine up and post it. I expect this to be a long and detailed posting, and maybe a little too much info for some, but I hope someone benefits from finding it!

Friday, April 10th, marked 40 weeks and 6 days of being pregnant. For whatever reason, I really had it in my head that Thursday was going to be the day, so when I woke up on Friday and still no signs of labor, my hormones got the better of me and I cried. I spent the day trying to keep busy and secretly wishing I hadn't been so committed to being drug free, because anyone else would have induced by now. Erik came home from work and we walked to Old Chicago's for pizza and to celebrate yet another night of "this might be our last night as a family of 2".

We got home from pizza, discussed having sex (which didn't work the night before), and got ready for bed. As I was brushing my teeth, my water broke--around 10:30 p.m. FINALLY! I called my Doula who suggested I try to get some rest, so we got in bed and Erik promptly passed out while I tried to sleep through the excitement.

About an hour later I started to feel contractions. They were more than I could sleep through, and I tried to wake up Erik to rub my back or something to make them better. Having had 3 beers at Old Chicago's, he had other ideas, but ultimately I won out.

The midwife had said don't come to the hospital until the contractions are 4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, and keeping that pattern for an hour. So we decided to watch a movie. We watched "The Dentist", a predictable and cheesy horror flick about a dentist who is having a bad day. Around 2:45 the movie wrapped up and the contractions were close enough to 4-1-1 that I thought we should leave the house. We called the birth center and the Doula, loaded up the car, and off we went.

On the way to the hospital my contractions slowed down. I only had 2 in the entire 40 minute drive. The hospital sent us to "triage", something we had never discussed. I got very annoyed by their intent to check me and hook me up to monitors. After sitting in the little room for what seemed like an hour (but probably was not), the midwife showed up to check me, this was around 3:30 a.m. I had hardly progressed since my appointment on Tuesday. She suggested I go home. I was a little bit heartbroken. They kept me on the monitor for another 20 minutes and we discussed whether or not to go home with our Doula, who was also in favor of going home.

I was so stressed by the check in process and the drive and really didn't want to repeat them later in the day. Plus, I was so excited that the time was finally here that I didn't think I could stand to return to the waiting game. Another factor was that my water had broken and I had tested for GBS (Group B Strep) which meant that I was "on the clock" to be progressing within 24 hours and they said we should probably plan to be back at the hospital by 10:00. So we decided against everyone's advice to stay (we told the Doula to go home so at least one person would be rested).

We checked into the labor room around 6:30 and they started Penicillin for the GBS while Erik took a nap. At 7:00 the daytime midwife arrived and told me we had a long way to go, as was evidenced by the fact that I could have a conversation during contractions. We walked the halls and my friend Jami visited. I got an email from a friend who is a homeopath suggesting some natural methods to speed things along and we sent the Doula to go pick them up on her way back to the hospital.

Around 10:00 they came in to dose me with Penicillin again and the contractions at that point were more than I could chat through. There were no plans to do another check until around 12:00, but the nurse told me later that I was probably around 4 c.m. at this point. At almost every contraction, I felt like I needed to poop. I figured I should have gone before, and there was no way that this was the "urge to push" since the contractions were just barely getting intense. Our Doula suggested sitting on the toilette during contractions and we had a nice setup with her rubbing my back and Erik holding my hands in front of me during the contractions.

And then things changed. I had one or two really intense contractions. I mean really intense. And then I felt something coming out, which really freaked me out. Everyone kept saying "it's just a blood clot" and I was thinking, that was the biggest freaking blood clot ever. Since I was kind of panicing they paged the midwife, who took a peak and informed us that it was actually the rest of my bag of waters. I was a little too wrapped up in the moment to look for myself, but apparently it was about the size of a softball. She did something to get it out and the contractions got about 10 times stronger.

I think it took 3 people to get me to the bed for a check, where the midwife sounded surprised herself as she checked me and realized I was at a full 10 c.m. I was too far along to have time to set up the birth tub I'd been so excited for. They filled a regular bathtub and we pushed in there for a while. At one point I made a comment about changing my mind, "Sorry Speck you will be an only child", etc.

Then we got out of the tub and experimented with a variety of positions. Most of this is a blur. I remember making all kinds of grunting and howling noises during the push contractions. The baby was hung up on my pelvic bone and it took a lot to get him past it. In the end, the baby was delivered with me on the bed, lots of support behind me and holding up my legs. They set up a mirror so I could see his head which they later pushed out of the way (I realized that they were doing this so I didn't watch myself tear).

Pretty much everything from the toilette on I did with my eyes shut. It felt like pooping out a big rock. And finally (after about 2 hours of pushing), everyone said to me "Gwen, open your eyes here comes your baby!!". I opened them and peeked down to see his greyish/white goopy body being pulled from me. They gave him to me for just a second and several people seemed very concerned with towling him off. Then they whisked him away. I was so exhausted I had no clue what was going on. Xander was born at 2:39 p.m.

The midwife came back, I asked if I had torn and she said yes, second degree (which means some muscle had torn too). I have to say that the tear itself I didn't feel at all--during tearing or after. The stitches, on the other hand, were something else. I think they did some sort of a shot that was supposed to numb me, but I was so sensitive and tired that I know I squirmed with each stitch. It didnt make matters any better that she kept saying "I need to go slow so I can make sure I sew the right parts together".

I later found out that my baby had come out with his cord around his neck and that they had to cut it before he could come out all the way, which was the reason for all the chaos. As they sewed me back together I watched Erik on the other side of the room, getting to know our son as they did his tests and took his little footprints.

Then they took me to a recovery room where we all stayed for the next 2 nights. For the first full day, I felt like I was on some very intense drugs. I guess this was the hormones, as I still get a little whif of it from breastfeeding. We are home now and recovering well. I will post a "recovery" story seperately...so as not to take away from the birth story.

So that is it, Alexander "Xander" Edward Kubec's birth story. I'm pretty impressed with myself for how clearly I can remember everything. I'll get pictures online later today or tomorrow and post some recovery details as well. I'm going to post this without proof-reading, since there is a little baby boy who is due for a feeding now.

The wait is over

2009-04-16T12:01:00.002-06:00

I'll post in more detail soon (including pictures), just wanted to let the world know...

Alexander "Xander" Edward Kubec was born on April 11th at 2:49 p.m.
He was 7 lbs 14 oz and 19.5" long

And I am proud to say we did it drug free :)

Still waiting...

2009-04-10T15:33:00.003-06:00

Well, tomorrow marks 41 weeks and still no baby. Waiting gets harder every day.

I had a really strong gut feeling that it was going to happen yesterday. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. with contractions that were happening every 10-15 minutes. I was so excited. I finished packing my bag, made myself a little snack, woke up Erik... then I decided that since they weren't too intense I better get some rest, and when I woke up a few hours later they were gone. I tried to get Erik to stay home from work anyway, convinced they would come back, but he didn't and neither did they.

We did go in for the "non-stress" test. That was actually kind of interesting. They strap two monitors to your belly, one that looks for contractions and one that monitors the babies heart. They are looking for the baby to respond to contractions by an increase in heart rate. The good news is that Speck passed with flying colors...I knew he'd be a good test taker! They also do an ultrasound to make sure he's got plenty of fluid in there with him and that test resulted well too.

When I woke up this morning and realized that YET ANOTHER night had passed with no labor, I was pretty disappointed. Today's been dull, with intermittent leg pains. I got brave enough to walk to the mailbox and return a couple videos, but I've also gotten stuck several times from my hip locking up. I discovered that a heat pack on my hip during the hip locks helps, but of course I have to be able to get to the microwave to heat up the pack in order for that to work. So knowing this I have at least been able to walk around the house and go up and down the stairs a few times.

Tomorrow is Erik's day on the baby pool... apparently the numbers 9, 10, and 11 are always good numbers in soccer so Erik has hopes that the baby will be born on the 11th.

I am trying to keep in mind that the original due date wasn't till the 13th anyway. If they had never changed my due date, I'd still only be at 39 weeks. I just need to be more patient.

40 Weeks and 4 Days

2009-04-08T08:42:00.002-06:00

Ok, I give in, I am finally counting.

Yesterday we had an appointment with the midwife. She did a cervical exam and the good news is that we are making progress. At the clinic I have been going to, they are not crazy about doing cervical exams because the numbers really mean nothing in relation to when the baby is going to be born. Every birth is different and some people go straight from no progress to birth, whereas other people hang out partially dialated for weeks.

So as of yesterday afternoon, my cervix is soft but in the posterior position, I am 70% effaced, 1 CM dialated, and the baby is at -3 station. Basically, there is a lot that needs to happen still. I've had some contractions, but they are random with no pattern and not very intense. Today I've started to have some "bloody show" (I really wish there was a less gross term for it) so hopefully that means little Speckers is on his way soon.

If I haven't had the baby by Friday, I have to go in for an "NST & AFI". The NST is a non-stress test, just to make sure that the baby is still responding correctly to external factors. The AFI is a measure of how much amniotic fluid is still in there. Assuming those test results turn out OK, Speck gets to keep on hanging out till he thinks it's a good time to make an appearance.

In the mean time, leg cramps are still torturing me. Today I seem to be able to make it a little bit further before they flare up, but they are bad enough that I'm letting the mail sit in the box which is only about 3 houses away for fear of having leg cramps on the way to the mailbox and having a neighbor think I'm having contractions.

Tomorrow is a full moon. They say lots of babies are born on full moons, and frankly, I think it would be kind of cool to have the baby on a full moon. Wish me luck.

Past Due & Still Waiting

2009-04-07T11:01:00.002-06:00

Well, my due date has come and gone and we are now quickly approaching the original due date of April 13th. All along I have been very committed to giving birth naturally and letting the baby and my body determine when the time is right, but I have to say I am starting to see why so many people cave and do inductions.

The leg cramps I was having problems with a couple of weeks ago have returned full force. I can make it about 5 steps before I get a charlie-horse like pain in my leg and need to sit down. 5 steps, by the way, is not quite enough to get from my bed to the toilette so by the time I get to the potty the cats are following me looking concerned. So I guess I'm pretty much on self imposed bed rest today. It's disappointing, because I had envisioned I would spend these final days before birth out walking, but I'm nervous to leave the house. When I'm NOT having leg cramps, my hip seems to be spontaneously dislocating itself. I've literally gotten "stuck" several times in the last week and had to call Erik to come help me get from point A to point B.

Every little ache or pain, I find myself hoping that it is a pre-labor sign. I suppose that they probably are. I've had some small and random contractions over the last week or so, but nothing to get excited about.

To make matters worse, it seems like the whole world is waiting for me to have a baby. Every time I make a phone call, the person I'm calling answers all excited thinking I've got news. I can barely even keep up with all the FaceBook comments from friends checking in. I'm starting to feel pressured!!

Speck, I don't know what you are still waiting for, but your Mom is ready! :)

Waiting Game

2009-04-01T09:46:00.002-06:00

Well, depending on which due date I go by, we are almost there! The "official" due date is the 4th, which is this weekend. Personally, I think the baby will come on the 7th or the 9th, but we will see.

At this point, I've pretty much got all my ducks in a row. I'm still working on picking a pediatrician and have 2 more interviews this week. I finally found day care that will take my cloth diapers (thank goodness) and got her locked into a contract. I gave up on getting the detail house cleaning done and have a cleaning lady working on it right now. Still need to pack the hospital bag...for some reason I am resisting that one, but I do have a list of what needs to go in it!

I decided to start my maternity leave a little early. I thought I was going to be a super woman and work all the way up to delivery, but I've been so distracted trying to get all these other loose ends taken care of that I decided to just give myself a break. So today is my second day of leave.

Earlier this week my grandfather died. I know it has been rough on my mom and aunt, who were both close to him. My best friend said to me "oh you are having a 'replacement baby'". If this is the case, then we can look forward to Speck having a sweet tooth, a love for animals, and an uncanny ability to fall asleep during movies. These are the things I remember most about my Grandpa!

Woops, missed a few posts!

2009-03-24T12:36:00.003-06:00

Wow, it's been a month since I posted a real post (other than the diaper give away). Funny, because it seems like so much has happened, and yet so little.

Highlights over the past few weeks were the baby shower and the maternity portraits. I've also officially finished stocking my diaper stash, decorating the nursery, and preparing the laundry room for the many loads of laundry headed it's way. And I think I've pretty much run out of nesting energy. I'm glad I got so much done over the last few months because all I want to do now is relax.

The baby shower was very fun. My old friend Jami did a fantastic job at decorating, catering, and organizing the whole thing. All I had to do was tidy up my house before hand, and enjoy cupcakes and gifts for the rest of the day. I love to host parties at my house because it forces you to clean up, and I'm always so happy that I did afterward. I have a ton of pictures on my camera, but who knows when/if I will ever get around to uploading them.

On the same day as the shower, we took maternity portraits. We used the same photographer who did our wedding, she really is amazing. I will post one of those--although most of them were nudes and wouldn't be appropriate for Blogger! I chose Beth to do our wedding photos because I fell in love with her maternity portraits. We really love working with her, she has this amazing ability to create the mood she wants to capture and her photos always turn out great.

I'm now 38 weeks pregnant. The baby could come any day now, or he could make us wait as much as 4 more weeks. Because of my choice to use midwives instead of an OB, there are no internal checks at my weekly appointments -- we just measure the belly, listen to the heart, and answer questions. There is a part of me that is dying to know "where I'm at"--if I'm dialated or effaced at all. But the part of me that made this decision is happy just waiting. I think that knowing I was (or wasn't) progressing would tempt me away from the natural birth that I'm committed to. As far as early warning signs, the only thing happening is Braxton Hicks contractions -- which have been going on now for at least a month.

I figure if this baby is anything like his Daddy, he hates changes and will hang out where he is comfortable for as long as he can.

As for how I am feeling, I could be more comfortable but really I still can't complain too loud. Heartburn is now relentless. I've stopped eating much after around 4, but even that leaves some reflux at bedtime. My hips have had some stiffness and aching, but I added a chiropractor to the mix of care givers and can't say enough good things about her. If your reading this in your final weeks of pregnancy and are struggling with achy hips, spend the money for a chiropractor (find one who specializes in prenatal care). I have spent the last 24 hours practically immobilized by leg cramps, but I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow which will hopefully help. I guess I can say I won't complain too loud if Speck decides to make his entrance this week :)

I've also started interviewing day care and pediatricians. Not too much excitement to report there, mostly just stress at this point. Once I have those two details sorted out I will have almost everything ready. I'm pretty worried still about the "Fourth Trimester" (the time while I am on maternity leave), as I don't really have much support available. But I don't really want to go on for another 3 paragraphs about that now so I'll just stop!

Diaper Giveaway

2009-03-09T08:39:00.002-06:00

Ok, it's been a while since I posted and I'm at work so I really don't have time to catch you up now, but I just wanted to post this diaper giveaway notice... partly to enter myself in the giveaway, and partly in case I've inspired anyone to consider cloth diapers and you are interested in a chance to get a freebie to start with!

I really enjoy reading this blog (link below). Make sure if you visit her page you take time to read about their adorable baby chickens.

Win a free Bumgenius 3.0 Diaper! This is a valuable All-In-One cloth diaper that you can use for yourself or give as a gift to someone expecting a baby! Go check out Hot Belly Mama's Blog for details on how to win this wonderful All In One Cloth Diaper. Hot Belly Mama will announce the winner on March 30th, after her 30th birthday!

Here is the direct link to her blog:

http://hotbellymama.blogspot.com/

Good luck!

Baby Readiness & Diaper Mania

2009-02-23T18:03:00.004-07:00

I think we are just about ready for a baby now.

I've spent the last couple of months buying a little bit here, a little bit there. I've done almost all of it with my spare "spending cash", stretching a little further than normal on nail and hair appointments and other fun stuff to fit it in. We have a couple of big ticket items that are absolute necessities which haven't arrived yet, but they've been promised by grandparents so it's just a matter of getting them ordered and shipped.

The most fun thing to buy is diapers. I'm pretty committed to using cloth diapers. They are better on the environment, save money, better for baby's butt, and their so darn cute! I've bought a sampling of each type. Most people don't realize how much diversity there is in the cloth diaper world! I think most people still think "cloth diapers" and picture the big napkin things that you have to wear plastic pants over. But diapers can be so much more fun than that. Here is a mini summary of your cloth diaper options:

"Pre Folds" - these are what you get from diaper service. It's a napkin that has been sewed several layers thick to save you time. You do some diaper orogami, wrap it on baby's butt, and put a "wrap" over it. Wraps are mostly a plastic material but also come in organic options like Merino Wool. I've got 36 of these but they are infant sized. They say they can also be used as burp cloths, and I confess I've already used a few to clean up household messes. They say you should be prepared to go through about 12 a day.

"Fitted" - these are diapers that have already been sewn to fit like a disposable. They aren't waterproof so you still need a wrap, same wraps as the pre folds. I've got 6 of these made from bamboo and 2 made from hemp.

"Pocket" - this is where diapers get cute. Pocket diapers look just like disposables, only with velcro or snaps instead of sticky tape. The outer layer is made of a waterproof material, and the inner is a soft moisture wicking fleece. They have a pocket in the crotch area where you insert what I call a "stuffy". Stuffies look like maxi pads. They are thick and plush, and if you want you can put more than one per diaper for extra absorbancy. Lots of the pocket diapers come in adjustable sizes so that they can grow with baby. I have 6 of these and 5 more on the way (cuz I found a deal on ebay).

"All in One" - these are just like pocket diapers, only the stuffy is sewn in. These come in specific sizes and you have to be prepared for baby to outgrow them. I guess this is because the sewn in stuffy doesn't allow as much room for growth. I've got 6 of these too, but one has mysteriously disapeared.

I admit it, I'm obsessed. These diapers are so cute and fun. I almost can't wait to change them! I already bought the special cloth pail and pail liner. And the mini bags for the diaper bag. And I've got cloth wipes and special home made wipe fluid. And special detergent and stain treater. Erik's got the diaper bug too...last night he ordered some more because he thought we needed more hemp diapers for our stash (I think he bought 6 hemp fitted diapers + 6 extra hemp stuffies). Both drawers of my changing table are stuffed with diapers. One of the drawers is literally bursting.

My biggest stress right now is finding a day care provider who is willing to work with the cloth diapers. Like I said, I think most people envision the old fashioned diapers when you say cloth. I think we're going to have to go for a home based day care, and none of them are willing to talk to you until your ready to be a customer. I'm confident we'll find something, it's just a little stressfull knowing it will have to be a last minute decision.

I'm going to go check the mail now...expecting my ebay diapers soon...

Updated Due Date - Only 7 More Weeks to Go!

2009-02-16T21:03:00.002-07:00

Last week I had an appointment with my midwives. After much debate, they have decided to officially move my due date up. This was all because of an ultra sound that was done way back in September, where the size of Speck's head indicated he was a little further along than the "11 weeks" that I was if you count the normal way. But with all of the doctor changes, that page had basically gotten lost and every time I mentioned it, they said "well lets wait till we get the records".

So, the records finally showed up and our due date is now officially April 4th. This is more along the lines of what I suspected all along.

Jami and I started planning the shower this week, which is on March 8th. I sent out the invites yesterday but I guess today's a holiday so they are probably still sitting in the mailbox.

The nursery is pretty much done. I ordered some diaper accessories to go with my nice stash of cloth diapers (a diaper pail, some cloth wipes, pail liner, etc.) So I've got two shipments of diaper related stuff on the way. Also, my company sent a very generous baby gift and I had a little shopping hay-day at Target online. I love getting things in the mail!

The only things I still need are the car-seat, the co-sleeper/bassinet, and a baby! Oh, and a name might be nice too...

In the last week I've really noticed that Speck seems to be getting bigger and stronger. According to all the baby status web sites, he should weigh around 4 pounds now. And you can tell it when he moves!! I wish there was a little window so I could see what he is up to...feels like he's rearranging the furniture or something. I'm getting better at identifying what body parts I can feel (when he is still that is). Fortunately, he isn't keeping me up at night so far. Either I'm a heavy sleeper or he is very kind.

Baby Weekend

2009-02-10T19:40:00.003-07:00

Last weekend was a baby filled weekend for us. We watched a couple of baby related videos (the Penn & Teller episode on Circumcision as well as the Business of Being Born), we had brunch with a local preggo meetup group, and we toured the birth center where Speck will be born.

I got the P&T video from my Doula, Miranda. She lent me this along with a Men's Health article on Circumcision. It has been a couple of weeks since I decided to stop fighting with Erik on this topic, which was apparently enough time for him to be able to take in this new info without one of us getting emotional. It helps that the P&T video was hillarious. I was quite releived by Erik's reaction and think we are now near a decision on this topic!

The birth center tour was interesting. I'm glad we did it, because it was actually not quite what I expected. It is great and I'm still happy with my choice, it was just a little bit different than what was in my head and I'm glad that those differences won't be a surprise on the big day.

Erik took videos of the facility with his iPhone and sent a really cute email to our families (who are still a little concerned about the mid-wife). I thought I'd repost it here to share...

****

Hello family

Mom and Dad-to-be and baby Kubec had a fun day today. We met other families to be with upcoming births in March or April or May, and then we went to the University of Colorado Hospital, where we will be having baby Kubec: http://www.uch.edu/

This facility was built on donation from Anschutz. We we given a personal tour of the post partum, birth, and OR rooms of the facility. I am super excited after touring the facility. Floors 4 and 5 are dedicated to birthing, natal, neonatal, post natal, natal-natal-natal, etc. We will check in on the 4th floor, where triage is located. We will have an option of a wheel chair, and then we go to the 5th floor.

This is where the action will happen!

There are about 6 birthing rooms, 6 post partum "hanging out with the baby and family" rooms, and one operating room on this floor. On the 4th floor is the NNIC: the Neo Natal Intensive Care unit. There are an additional 2 Operating Rooms on this floor. We will have one of 4 midwives, a doula, and OB-GYN at the premises. The doula we will know, the midwives we will have met, and the OB-GYN we won't have met.

We are truly blessed!

The facility is state of the art and we feel that we are so lucky to have so many choices to commit to for our birth. We are blessed to have so much information and experience to draw upon. In the past 7 months, we have gotten to intimately know the medical and insurance industries. We have found a lot of inefficiencies and scary statistics.

In infant mortality, the US ranks #28: tied with two countries that are barely considered to be western: Poland and Slovakia. Yet we spend twice as much as anyone else on childbirth. We found some strange stuff as well too:

In Holland, there are something like 60% of births done at home. Yet their infant and mother mortality rate is half of ours.

The 'mother on the back position' is physiologically the worst position for a mother to give birth in.

There is a purpose for foreskin other than to donate to the tissue bank!

There is statistical evidence that doulas and midwives make birth go easier: lower deaths, lower emergency surgery, etc.

Of course, people die in childbirth all the time, and the US has a medical industry that is best when things are at its worst: premature birth, complications etc. 100 years ago, people would die from these things. Now, they don't (as much). There has been a cost, however. Births have gotten really expensive, and we are not as effective as many other countries that look at birth as more of a natural process than an automatic medical emergency.

We have learned that normally, there is a starting postion of the unborn baby that relates to is positioning. Ideally, our little guy should start facing opposite his mom and upside down and a bit to one side (preferably to mom's left). The baby begins to make his best corkscrew olympic dive imitation and squeezes the occiput (the soft spot on his head) into the cervical opening. This is assuming he is not coming breach, or forehead first.

A natural birth normally follows from here, but sometimes goes one of many other less travelled paths.

We want to give Gwen and baby Kubec the best chance for the common natural delivery, while being completely ready for consent we will give to facilitate the success of a birth that follows another path. Our doula, midwife, and google and can help us prepare for those paths as well, and the OB-GYN is right there should we need their marvelous skill set.

We have multiple paths to physically get to the hospital should a meteor crash into I-25, and I just put top of the line Michelin tires on our 4WD (Michelin has those baby commercials). So we are ready!

Love,

Erik

Speck's Jungle Nursery

2009-02-04T19:20:00.004-07:00

I can't believe it, but I am almost done with the nursery. All it needs is a rocker and window coverings.

The mural project went much faster than I had anticipated, even with all of the "extras" that I added on. It only took 10 days from start to finish to do the whole room, which includes painting the base color (which is a super light orange, in case you were wondering).

I am one of those people who just isn't good at creative projects. At first, I felt like I was cheating because I know that people are going to look at this and go "wow your so creative" and all I was really doing was painting by numbers. But then something changed.

As I was painting, I was thinking about how much I love the little guy growing in my belly and how I just wanted to do something special for him. And as the days went on and I got more and more into the project, I saw what it was like to be actually creating an art project because I wanted to. Not because someone told me to, but really just as a gift to my baby.

So the add ons kept coming, because I was having so much fun and was so inspired. I think that the end product turned out pretty darn good, if I do say so myself! Here are some pictures (you can either view the slideshow or click the link to view at your own pace)...

3D Ultrasound

2009-02-02T19:27:00.002-07:00

I haven't had much time to post this week because I've been in turbo mode painting the mural in the nursery. It's looking great and I promise to post photos soon.

In the mean time, we had a 3D ultrasound this week. It was amazing and so much fun. Here is a link to some of the many many photos they gave us (65 JPG images plus a video--but I didn't post them all!).

The C Word

2009-01-28T18:18:00.008-07:00

Here I am, still obsessed with circumcision. For me, it's really become a moral decision. I'm feeling a little philosophical about it tonight so I thought I'd use my blog to try to sort out my thoughts. For those of you who disagree with me, I'm willing to entertain your comments. For those who have made decisions to circumcise, please don't feel judged by my opinions.

I want to start by acknowledging that a large portion of the circumcised world made the choice for religious reasons. There is a part of me that envies you, and I don't mean that to be condescending. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have some other force or authority to guide my decisions. But I am not Jewish or Muslim, which leaves me to figure it out for myself.

When I ask for opinions, it seems like the spit is probably 2/3 for circumcision and the remaining 1/3 against. Of those who are for, the reasons seem to fit into two categories: Social or Health. (I suppose there is also a third category of people who didn't really think about it, they just did it because it is the norm.)

Social/Fitting In

Many people think that the baby should be circumcised so that he looks like daddy, or so that he doesn't feel out of place in the locker room. I understand that men of all ages seem to have an obsession with the penis, but I'm not sure that these are the right reasons to make a decision. It is the nature of adolescence to compare yourself to others, and I'm sure that if his penis is the same as the other boys, he'll find something else to judge and compare himself by (like the size of it). Further, with the increasing cultural diversity in our country, who is to say that having a circumcised penis will still be the norm in 15 years? The US is one of the only countries that circumcises boys for reasons other than religion.

As for looking like daddy, I wonder when this conversation occurs. Will potty training be hindered by different looking genitals? I'm inclined to think not. Single mothers are able to potty train their sons, despite not having a penis. And many boys are trained by adopted or step fathers, who might have different shaped or even different colored genitals. And how hard is it to say, "mine looks like mine, yours looks like yours, everyone has different pee-pees"?

I realize that women's genitalia play a different role in potty training and growing up, but I have to say that not once have I felt compelled to compare my labia to my mothers.

Health

One of the most common "modern" health reasons cited for circumcision is a decreased risk of getting an STD. There is a study out, conducted in men in a high HIV risk part of the world, where they found that men with circumcised penises were less likely to contract an STD. The reason for this being that there was less risk for tearing or bleeding during intercourse. At first glance, this is compelling evidence. However, the fact of the matter remains that there is only 1 way to get an STD, and that is by having sex with someone else who has an STD. So the moral of the story on this one is: circumcised or not, stick a condom on it.

Then there is the argument that an intact penis is more difficult to clean and thus leads to increased risk of urinary tract infections. I think that it is very important to be critical of this information. Any statistic coming from a doctor or hospital is going to be weighted, because they don't see all of the little boys who don't get an infection. I wish this was a topic that were not so personal, because I'd love to take a survey of the men I know and find out which intact ones have had infection problems. I think when you boil it down, this is all about hygiene, which is something that must be taught at a young age. So just as my son will need to learn to wipe his ass, he will also need to learn to clean his penis.

For me, the infection argument draws to mind the following analogy: If doctor's found that removing my labia would decrease the risk of yeast infections, would I do it? The labia, just like the foreskin, are nothing more than protective extra tissue. They don't seem to have any specific purpose. They get dirty and must be cleaned. Natural juices and oils produced by my body stick to them. Seems like a good analogy to me. And I have to say that I'd take a yeast infection any day over having my genitals modified.

Oh wait, there are parts of the world that practice this female modification...we call it genital mutilation and we think it's bad and wrong.

It Will Be OK

So now that I've addressed the reasons why people think you should get your baby circumcised, lets look at the things that they tell you to make you feel better about having done so.

The procedure is so fast, and the baby is so young, that it's over before you know it and they don't remember a thing. That's what everyone says. Of those people, I like to follow up by asking if they were present for the procedure...most were not. For those of you who missed it, here's a video:

Now don't be a wuss...watch it with volume. It's only a 5 minute procedure, after all. (I should note that this video was flagged by YouTube for being inappropriate, and I had to confirm that I was an adult before I could watch it).

Here is where the debate gets philosophical a bit. Just because you have no memory of the pain, does that make it less harmful? Because the baby does not have language to articulate what they went through, does that mean that they were not traumatized? Erik spoke to an adult man today who was kind enough to share his personal circumcision story. He had his circumcision done at age 5, and to this day does not forgive his mother. The question is, is he mad at his mother for not having it done at birth, or is he mad at his mother for having it done at all?

Reasons For Leaving it "Intact"

I've used the term "intact" a few times in this post. This is actually the commonly accepted name for an un-circumcised penis. So are there any benefits for leaving male genitalia intact? Lets take a look.

Sensitivity. Research has shown that intact men enjoy four times more penile sensitivity than circumcised men. I ask most men: if you could go back and make your own decision regarding whether or not to be left intact, what would your decision be knowing this fact?

Pediatricians do not recommend. In 1999, the American Academy of Pediatrics released a statement revising their position on circumcision, stating that "the benefits are not significant enough for the AAP to recommend circumcision as a routine procedure."

Full penis length and circumference. The "prepuce" (foreskin) constitutes 50% or more of the skin system of the penis [1]. If unfolded and spread flat, the average adult foreskin measures 60-90 square centimeters (10-14 square inches) [2], or about the size of an index card. The foreskin creates a visibly longer penis, especially when the foreskin extends beyond the head of the penis. Also, the double-layered tissue of the foreskin engorges with blood during erection and creates a visibly and sensually thicker shaft and glans.When the engorged foreskin retracts behind the coronal ridge of the glans, it often creates a wider and more pronounced "ridge" that many partners find especially stimulating during penetrative intercourse. The circumcised penis appears truncated and thinner than a full-sized intact penis.

Protection. The sleeve of tissue known as the foreskin normally covers the glans and protects it from abrasion, drying, callusing (keratinization), and environmental contaminants. The glans is intended by nature to be a protected internal organ, like the female clitoris. The effect of an exposed glans and resulting keratinization on human sexual response has never been studied. Increasing reports by circumcised men indicate that keratinization causes a loss of sexual sensation, pleasure and fulfillment.

Ridged bands. The inner foreskin contains bands of densely innervated, sexually responsive tissue. They constitute a primary erogenous zone of the human penis and are important for realizing the fullness and intensity of sexual response.

Gliding action. The foreskin is the only moving part of the penis. During any sexual activity, the foreskin and glans work in unison; their mutual interaction creates a complete sexual response. In heterosexual intercourse, the non-abrasive gliding of the penis in and out of itself within the vagina facilitates smooth and pleasurable intercourse for both partners. Without this gliding action, the corona of the circumcised penis can function as a one-way valve, dragging vaginal lubricants out into the drying air and making artificial lubricants essential for non-painful intercourse.

Specialized sensory tissue. In addition to the "ridged bands" mentioned above, thousands of coiled fine-touch receptors (Meissner’s corpuscles) constitute the most important sensory component of the penis. The foreskin contains branches of the dorsal nerve and between 10,000 and 20,000 specialized erotogenic nerve endings of several types, which are capable of sensing slight motion and stretch, subtle changes in temperature, and fine gradations in texture.

The frenulum. This is a highly nerve-laden web of tissue that tethers the inner foreskin to the underside of the glans. It is similar to the frenula found under the tongue, the upper lip and the clitoral hood (female foreskin). For many intact men, the penile frenulum is a male "G-spot" that is highly pleasurable when repeatedly stretched and relaxed during sexual activity. Depending on the surgical method used, the frenulum is partially to completely destroyed by circumcision.

(many of these facts taken from this site which has excellent sources)

Ok, now I realize that it is a little weird to be thinking about my baby's sex life before he's even out, but don't I have an obligation to take into consideration his entire life when I make a decision on his behalf? Maybe he'll thank me some day--although I don't imagine that's a conversation I will be comfortable having!

Conclusion

So, after reading all of the facts, watching the videos, talking to friends, and spending way too much time thinking about this, your probably thinking I've made a decision. My dilemma is, before I started this research endeavor, I told my husband it was his decision to make because I don't have a penis. My advice to other moms...stay involved!

Jungle Baby

2009-01-15T18:01:00.009-07:00

Speck's nursery is making good progress and I'm really excited to start decorating it now. This week I got a great deal on my nursery set (all 15 pieces for $100), and today my mural kit arrived.

I've decided to do the nursery in a jungle theme, with lots of monkeys. I chose the NoJo Day at The Zoo pattern for the bedding, which features a monkey, elephant, lion and panda bear.

I found someone selling the whole set on ebay. It is actually a used set, so I might not use the sheet , but I'm pretty happy with the find and have no objection to the other pieces being second hand. For a while there I thought I was going to get away with just $45, but there was literally a last minute bidding war.

I'm going to paint the walls with a mural. I wanted to do something fun and creative, but creative really isn't my thing so I set out on a mission to find something that would make me look creative without all the stress, and I'm really excited about what I found.

Elephants on The Wall sells paint by number murals. They send you the pattern, printed on a really big piece of paper, and some carbon paper to go under the pattern. You then trace the pattern onto the wall and paint it using their number guide.

I bought two jungle patterns. One of them is a tall, narrow tree with monkeys climbing it. I'm going to reverse it to go on both sides of the closet. The other one is a full wall pattern with an elephant, some monkeys, and other critters having a hula party. I might even get really ambitious and try to recreate some elements of the big mural in another corner as well, to make the full room be a mural (like maybe the section in the right corner with the tiger in the bushes). I'm also thinking about leaving out the leis on the elephant and giraffe because they are a little bit girly.

First we need to paint the room with a nice light base color. With any luck, I can convince Erik to take this project on this weekend because I'm really excited to get going on the mural. I think I'm going to use a super light, orange-yellow color.

A Little Humor On A Serious Subject

2009-01-12T16:37:00.005-07:00

It's one of those things I never realized I would ever have to make a decision about: circumcision. The information out there in internet is abundant, opinionated, and you can spend hours reading on the topic. And when you talk to your friends, you get just as many opinions. Overall, it's an overwhelming subject.

I decided to delegate this decision to the person in my home who has a penis. A decision I now regret, because I've become one of those people with a lot of opinions... Today I was looking for materials that might help persuade my decision maker to go with my beleifs, and I came across this video from some of my favorite comedians.

Warning: this video may offend many and contains adult content (but it sure did make me laugh!).

Click here for the continuation to Part 3 (I can't find Part 2 just yet but will update when I do).

Baby Inventory

2009-01-10T15:52:00.002-07:00

This is a note to Grandparents & family...

I've started keeping a list of what everyone has bought us so far. I thought I'd link it to the blog along with the registry links, so that anyone wanting to help us get ready can know what we have and what we still need.

You can click here to go directly to my spreadsheet, or I've also embedded a link in the right hand column for future reference.

Baby Networking

2009-01-10T11:59:00.002-07:00

One of my goals for this year is to develop a network of friends with babies, baby resources, and nearby baby community.

Of all the things to be nervous about around being a first time parent, I think my biggest fear is the lack of resources that I feel like we have available to help. As Americans, we seem to have this notion that you should do things on your own. Many of us do not live near family and enjoy that autonomy. Other cultures do not share this "value".

I think that raising a child should be a multi generational experience. But unfortunately, we do not have family nearby and though we have tried very hard, I think that the prospects of having family living close to us for the first year of Speck's life are pretty slim. So I've given up my attachment to that idea and set off to develop my network in their place.

Most of this week's internet time has been devoted to searching for groups and other resources for baby knowledge. I've joined a few groups on Meetup, found the local La Leche League group, and even found a Stroller Fit group in my neighborhood. Hopefully over the next couple of weeks I can begin to meet some new friends to share our experience with. I've got us signed up for a Denver Pregnancy Brunch group tomorrow--which Erik is not super thrilled to be attending but I'm taking him anyway.

Probably the most enjoyable part of baby networking so far has been the online community. It seems like every day I stumble across a new baby blog. I've been trying to list them on the right, and I reccomend you check them out. It is so much fun to read about everyone else's experiences, concerns, and journeys.

This is the end of our 26th week. April 13th is only 3 more months away!

Week 26 - Belly Thoughts

2009-01-05T18:43:00.002-07:00

Now that my pregnancy is so obvious to the world (and to me), I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my belly. Here are a few randomly assorted belly thoughts:

- Why is it suddenly OK for random strangers to touch my belly? I've been keeping track of belly touches when we go to social events, keeping a tally of how many touches there are and how many of those ask for permission first. If I was not pregnant, it would NOT be OK to rub my belly if you don't know me, but somehow it is now?

- All of a sudden my belly is something to be stared at. I think now maybe I have some insight into what it must be like to have big boobs or to be overweight, and to have a group of people across the room stare at you and discuss your body as if you are totally unaware of the fact that they are doing so. Or to have someone walk into an elevator and look first at my body and THEN say hello.

- Almost as unusual as people touching my belly is people wanting to talk about it. Several times now people I've never met have struck up a conversation that began with "Wow you look fantastic". I don't mind this comment of course, but it's definitely not an every day conversation starter.

- I am obsessed with watching my belly squirm. Now that the baby is big enough that his movements can be seen from the outside, I sit and stare at my belly all day waiting for the next one. What I would give for a peek inside to see just what he is up to! The movements feel so spastic, I can't imagine what he can be doing in there. Maybe he's inherited daddy's restless legs!

- Despite my rants above about people touching my belly, I secretly WANT them to share in how cool it is. I think that the thing that irks me the most is that it is ONLY the strangers who want to touch my belly. I actually spent an entire week last week with family and not one of them asked to feel the belly, which seemed a little weird to me considering the number of people I don't know who can't seem to resist.

- Dempsey, my 14 pound orange tabby cat, is having a really difficult time figuring out how to snuggle now. He used to stand on my stomach and nuzzle his nose up under my chin, but now my stomach and boobs are all so tender that I cry out when he steps in the wrong spot and now he's scared to step on me at all.

- Still no stretch marks!!

- Last week my midwife measured my bump and I found out it is exactly the size it should be. I learned that before ultrasounds, the only way they had of measuring the baby's growth was to measure your stomach. The idea is that once you are past 20 weeks the measurement from your pelvic bones to the top of your uterus should equal the number of weeks you are at. For example, I was 25 weeks at my appointment and it was exactly 25 centimeters from the top to bottom of my belly. How crazy is that? Even crazier is that this means I can expect to grow another 15!!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T11:48:00.004-07:00

New years is a time for reflection about the past year and creation of a new one. Looking back to a year ago, I don't think I had any idea of all the excitement 2008 would see. I think I fully planned to still be working at FWI, for Erik to have a new but still high paying job, I definitely did not expect to be pregnant, and I had no idea that we'd spend a big chunk of the year job hunting!

Looking forward a year, I imagine that little Speck will be smiling, laughing, learning about solid foods, and toddling around the house. YIKES! We will probably spend the next year dealing with day care, diapers, doctors visits, child proofing, new sleep schedules, and many other things that I don't even know that I don't know about.

Hopefully 2009 will be a year filled with celebration and family. Only 3.5 more months to go till Speck arrives! Better hurry up and think of a real name soon :)

Interesting Article About Midwives

2008-12-28T12:19:00.003-07:00

The following was copied from an article in the LA Times on Midwives:

Opinion

Midwives deliver

America needs better birth care, and midwives can deliver it.

By Jennifer Block
December 24, 2008

» Discuss Article (23 Comments)

Some healthcare trivia: In the United States, what is the No. 1 reason people are admitted to the hospital? Not diabetes, not heart attack, not stroke. The answer is something that isn't even a disease: childbirth.

Not only is childbirth the most common reason for a hospital stay -- more than 4 million American women give birth each year -- it costs the country far more than any other health condition. Six of the 15 most frequent hospital procedures billed to private insurers and Medicaid are maternity-related. The nation's maternity bill totaled $86 billion in 2006, nearly half of which was picked up by taxpayers.

But cost hasn't translated into quality. We spend more than double per capita on childbirth than other industrialized countries, yet our rates of pre-term birth, newborn death and maternal death rank us dismally in comparison. Last month, the March of Dimes gave the country a "D" on its prematurity report card; California got a "C," but 18 other states and the District of Columbia, where 15.9% of babies are born too early, failed entirely.

The U.S. ranks 41st among industrialized nations in maternal mortality. And there are unconscionable racial disparities: African American mothers are three times more likely to die in childbirth than white mothers.

In short, we are overspending and under-serving women and families. If the United States is serious about health reform, we need to begin, well, at the beginning.

The problem is not access to care; it is the care itself. As a new joint report by the Milbank Memorial Fund, the Reforming States Group and Childbirth Connection makes clear, American maternity wards are not following evidence-based best practices. They are inducing and speeding up far too many labors and reaching too quickly for the scalpel: Nearly one-third of births are now by caesarean section, more than twice what the World Health Organization has documented is a safe rate. In fact, the report found that the most common billable maternity procedures -- continuous electronic fetal monitoring, for instance -- have no clear benefit when used routinely.

The most cost-effective, health-promoting maternity care for normal, healthy women is midwife led and out of hospital. Hospitals charge from $7,000 to $16,000, depending on the type and complexity of the birth. The average birth-center fee is only $1,600 because high-tech medical intervention is rarely applied and stays are shorter. This model of care is not just cheaper; decades of medical research show that it's better. Mother and baby are more likely to have a normal, vaginal birth; less likely to experience trauma, such as a bad vaginal tear or a surgical delivery; and more likely to breast feed. In other words, less is actually more.

The Obama administration could save the country billions by overhauling the American way of birth.

Consider Washington, where a state review of licensed midwives (just 100 in practice) found that they saved the state an estimated $2.7 million over two years. One reason for the savings is that midwives prevent costly caesarean surgeries: 11.9% of midwifery patients in Wash- ington ended up with C-sections, compared with 24% of low-risk women in traditional obstetric care.

Currently, just 1% of women nationwide get midwife-led care outside a hospital setting. Imagine the savings if that number jumped to 10% or even 30%. Imagine if hospitals started promoting best practices: giving women one-on-one, continuous support, promoting movement and water immersion for pain relief, and reducing the use of labor stimulants and labor induction. The C-section rate would plummet, as would related infections, hemorrhages, neonatal intensive care admissions and deaths. And the country could save some serious cash. The joint Milbank report conservatively estimates savings of $2.5 billion a year if the caesarean rate were brought down to 15%.

To be frank, the U.S. maternity care system needs to be turned upside down. Midwives should be caring for the majority of pregnant women, and physicians should continue to handle high-risk cases, complications and emergencies. This is the division of labor, so to speak, that you find in the countries that spend less but get more.

In those countries, a persistent public health concern is a midwife shortage. In the U.S., we don't have similar regard for midwives or their model of care. Hospitals frequently shut down nurse-midwifery practices because they don't bring in enough revenue. And although certified nurse midwives are eligible providers under federal Medicaid law and mandated for reimbursement, certified professional midwives -- who are trained in out-of-hospital birth care -- are not. In several state legislatures, they are fighting simply to be licensed, legal healthcare providers. (Californians are lucky -- certified professional midwives are licensed, and Medi-Cal covers out-of-hospital birth.)

Barack Obama could be, among so many other firsts, the first birth-friendly president. How about a Midwife Corps to recruit and train the thousands of new midwives we'll need? How about federal funding to create hundreds of new birth centers? How about an ad campaign to educate women about optimal birth?

America needs better birth care, and midwives can deliver it.

Jennifer Block is the author of "Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care."

Development Updates

2008-12-23T10:19:00.003-07:00

It's been a while since I posted any baby development updates, here are a few weeks worth (borrowed from BabyCenter.com). On a personal note, I have now felt Speck respond to loud noises twice (once to my hair dryer and once to a passing firetruck), and his movements are so strong now that I can watch my belly bounce around when he gets going. Only a couple of weeks left until we enter the third trimester!!

WEEK 22 - How your baby's growing:

At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

WEEK 23 - How your baby's growing:

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

WEEK 24 - How your baby's growing:

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

Nursery Decor

2008-12-19T18:50:00.008-07:00

I think that for most people, one of the most exciting parts of finding out the babies gender is knowing how to decorate the nursery. While I do admit that there are more gender specific theme based nursery sets, I really wanted to avoid "assigning a gender role". Plus, assuming we have more than one baby, I wanted to be able to reuse everything I buy. So we're going with monkeys. Who doesn't love monkeys?

I registered for a bunch of items to go with the theme, some of which are at Target and others are at Babies-R-Us. I haven't decided yet what color I want to paint the walls, but I ordered the window valances from the bedding set to that I can take them to the hardware store and match them to paint swatches.

Last weekend we found a great deal on a crib and dresser on Craigslist. I love the crib because it is "convertable". I just switch out a rail and it turns into a toddler bed. Buy a new frame and it can be a full size bed. I'm all about not having to buy things more than once! We did lose a couple of these little screw thingies in transit...does anyone know what this piece is called and where I can find more of them?

Erik keeps pointing out that we could have waited to buy the crib, because for the first few months the baby will probably sleep in our room in the play yard / bassinet. But I feel so happy having some furniture! I guess I'm truly nesting now.

Week 23 - Speck's Birth Team

2008-12-16T17:54:00.005-07:00

After 6 doula interviews, 3 OB's, and one trip to the birth center, we now officially can announce Speck's "Birth Team".

Team Captain: Mom - my job is to carry Speck around for 9 months, meet his feeding demands, take good care of my body and manage all of the other parts of the team. And lets not forget about labor & delivery!

Coach: Dad - Erik's job is to keep Mom happy and well supported. Dad helps Mom with important decisions, information gathering, resource management, and moral support.

Doula: Miranda Cacek - Miranda is our #1 resource for information. We're very happy to be adding her to our team and think she is well qualified to assist Mom & Dad leading up to and at the birth. Miranda has attended over 50 births as a Doula, has three children of her own, and is also a prenatal massage specialist. As our Doula, Miranda will help us to create a birth plan, be prepared in the event that we aren't able to stick with the plan, and will support us in sticking to the plan and making educated decisions when things get hot & heavy. She has been a wealth of knowledge and information, providing me with a great reading list, resources for diaper info, yoga classes, childbirth education, etc. I'm very happy that we will be having someone there who understands the physiological, emotional, and spiritual elements of birth. I am confident that her knowledge and support will increase our odds of giving birth the way my body is made to. And yes, that last name is Czech.

Midwife: Nichol Chesser - The Center for Midwifery at the University of Colorado Hospital has four midwives who handle clinic appointments, on call, and labor & delivery. Nichol will be our primary provider but depending on when Speck decides it is time to enter the world, one of her colleagues may be the lucky woman to actually catch our little boy. All of the midwives at the center are Certified Nurse Midwives, which in Colorado means that they are (1) a RN, (2) hold a Masters degree or higher, and (3) have experience with labor and delivery. The Midwife can do everything but cut--to me this is ideal. Obstetricians have been trained first as surgeons and as such, their first inclinations tend to be control through surgery and medical interventions. I think that by having the person calling all the shots be someone who can do anything BUT cut, we are more likely to see Speck be given every chance possible for a natural birth.

Playing Field: The Birth Center at University of Colorado Hospital’s Anschutz Inpatient Pavilion -The birth center is part of a mega medical complex located about 30 minutes from our house. The Birth Center itself is a little bit unique in that it is actually located INSIDE the hospital, which means that should something come up where an OB is required, we're already there (no stressful relocating). And being a University hospital, the technology there is cutting edge if we need it. The labor and delivery rooms are designed to be comforting and soothing, and even have hot tubs to help relax and soothe labor pains. And the feature that makes me laugh, they have dial up internet!

Other Medical Professionals - As I said above, being as the Center is actually located inside of a hospital, all of the amenities and resources that we might need are on hand.

We get the impression that some of our family might still be feeling a little unsure of our decisions to use a midwife & doula rather than a more "conventional" OB. I hope that anyone who reads this will take the time to look at the links and information I've provided. We've put a lot of time and energy into these choices and I feel we're on the path to creating a birth that is right for my body and our baby.

23 Weeks (almost) - Job Changes

2008-12-13T20:42:00.002-07:00

It has been a couple of weeks since my last post and I have all kinds of thoughts I could write about, but there has been one major change that has me in a bit of a panic. This week, Erik decided to return to Dalbey, the job where he was working at this time last year.

I've been feeling really guilty the last few months about my role in Erik's decision to leave Dalbey in the first place. The money there was really good, but I hated the hours and didn't see how we would raise a family that way. This was months before I decided to throw away my birth control pills.

For several years, Erik's work hours were long and he often didn't get home till 9:00 or later at night. I got lonely and it was hard to motivate myself to eat right when I was cooking for one. Of course, I found ways to fill the time -- book club, yoga, pottery lessons, spanish, etc. And in all honestly I've missed the "me" time a bit.

So now he's going back to a position where the hours are 10:00 am - 9:00 pm. And if history is any indicator, I can also expect that he will work till 9:30 on a regular basis and some weekends as well. I fully support this decision and hope that he will be happy there and make good money.

So why is this going in the baby blog? Because I'm kind of freaking out about it. I've spent the last couple of months living with the expectation that Erik would have flexible hours and the option to work from home. I thought we would find some part time help around the house, I'd rearrange my hours at work a little, and everything would work just great.

Now I'm picturing a world where I work 8-4 or something like that, then I swing by the daycare where the baby spent the day, then I come home and figure out how to change out of my work clothes and cook dinner for myself with a baby in tow, then bath feed and entertain the baby, then go to bed...all before Erik is even home from work. Then ideally Erik would have baby morning shift while I get ready to go to work and do it all again.

I am having a really hard time with the day care idea for a 7 week old baby. First of all, it looks like an expense of about $1200 a month. Second, I'm concerned about having to work around daycare hours, diaper rules, feeding schedules, and the extra chore of drop off and pick up. Third, I hate the idea of sending my little baby off to a playpen for the day, when he's so little he should be getting cuddles and love all day. I really wanted to keep the baby at home for the first year or so, until he is old enough to actually PLAY and interact at day care.

I've been looking into home care options. Nanny's are expensive -- I've read to expect $2,000-$3,000 per month, plus having to pay taxes for their social security and medicare. This week I also looked into AuPaire programs. These seem like a good option--you pay an annual program fee of about $8,000 and a $200 per week "stipend" for a live in. The aupair attends the local community college and is here as part of a cultural exchange program. The idea of having a young foreign student live with us for the first year of baby's life seems a little scary too--and I've read that the total cost for this program tends to average $25,000 for a year after you factor in the extra cost of food, helping the student get to school, etc.

Of course, one of us could always quit our jobs and we could be a single income household with a stay at home parent. But we both like our jobs, and we like to have the money.

Reading back through this, it doesn't look too bad, just expensive. If Erik can make the kind of money he made the last three years at Dalbey, I guess the cost would be manageable. But being as I am considering these costs from where I stand right now (where I haven't even had the cash to buy a single baby item), it seems totally undoable.

I'll write more later about the other baby news: ultrasound, midwife, belly touches, weight gain, etc...

Speck On The Way

2008-11-29T19:31:00.002-07:00

Erik wrote a song for speck:

Speck on the way

A D E A (verse)

When first I heard about you

I felt my belly drop

Believable incomprehension

The pressure pushed the top

less than a murmur

you rocked in black and white

motivated escalated

better start doing right

bm C#m D E (chorus)

Speck on the Way

Speck on the way

gonna start doin,

all the things

bm C# D E A

Speck on the Way

gonnas start doin

all the things I should

But first to Guadalajara

We promised mom a trip

The doctor said that

you'd be made of salsa cricket chips

Para tres semanas

No Dormi bien

wake up in a sweat

wondering what was I thinking

chorus

G D F C A (bridge)

Sometimes must we take up step

even though we might not know the way

We hope that that choice will not lead

our dreams too far astray

Later when night has come

and we relfect upon our day

We find out that we are fine and that we are doin okay. Okay.

chorus

Week 20 - Doctor Update & Other Stuff

2008-11-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

I've added a new feature to the blog site with a link to the preggo book I am currently reading. I figure I can keep it updated as I start on new books, and that way anyone interested in reading with me can join in.

This week I started reading "The Birth Book" by William Sears. It was recommended by almost all of the doulas that I met with last week and has been pretty informative. I was surprised that I was able to plow through half of it just this morning. The more I learn, the more I find myself leaning toward natural birth. I always had this notion about birth, that avoiding drugs and wanting to go natural was some sort of woo-woo, earthy hippy thing or something. But from what I'm learning, I think it's better for mother and baby to have babies the way that your body is made to have babies. Of course I understand that sometimes medical intervention is needed, but I'm starting to see that too often medicine is used for convenience and that it actually can cause complications.

On that note, I did see a new doctor this week (because doctor #2 was just too hard to get an appointment with). But I've decided that since I'm already in flux with my care and not really bonded with any one care giver, I should do some research and shop around. I've got an interview with a midwife center this week that I'm pretty excited about. They do deliveries at a birthing center, but it is very close to the University Hospital which I find reassuring. I might also decide to meet with one other midwifery, just for comparison.

I am scheduled for my ultrasound (through doctor #3) on December 8th. I'm really looking forward to another glimpse at Speck and will only cancel the ultrasound if some other care giver can get me in sooner!

Another exciting advancement this week is that Speck's movements are getting stronger. Erik can now feel many of the kicks (if he can make himself sit still long enough to wait for them to happen), and I can even see the skin on my stomach bouncing around with the baby.

Speck Week 20 - Doctors, Doula's & Registries

2008-11-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

The excitement of posting the weekly baby development update has passed, as the baby pretty much looks like a baby now. Whereas I used to be concerned with my body and what was changing, more and more now I find myself focused on getting ready for the future instead.

I've now interviewed with 6 Doulas. It has been an interesting process and I've learned something with each conversation. It's given me some clarity about what I expect from birth, and I've now got a huge reading list (I need to hurry up and finish the Twilight series before the baby books start to arrive from Amazon!). Once I make my decision official I'll post a link to the newest member of our birth team's web site on the blog here.

I've also made the decision to yet again switch doctors. The doctor I "met" with a couple of weeks ago didn't seem very available. I meet with yet another doctor this week, and after some conversations with doulas I've decided to also explore midwives as an option. It's been pointed out that OB's are very surgically minded, and are quick to jump to surgery so that they can (1) maintain control of the situation and (2) do everything possible to avoid malpractice law suits. At this point, I don't know that I would go so far as to say that I want an all natural birth, but I do know I want as smooth of a recovery as possible and I don't want to just jump into a C-Section if it can be avoided.

Another accomplishment this weekend is the baby registry. My friend (and baby mentor) Dana and I went to Babies-R-Us today and she gave me advice on what I do and do not need, and I registered for all kinds of goodies. My hope is that by using a registry to buy baby things, we can have a central shopping list for any friends and family who want to help. This way everyone knows what we need and what has already been purchased. I do plan to look for some items outside of Babies-R-Us, and if/when we purchase things not from the store I will update the registry to show that we no longer need them.

I haven't registered for nursery decor, stroller, or car seats yet--I think these items require a little more research so they will be added later. In the mean time, here is how to get to the registry:

Option 1: In Person Shopping
1. Find your local Babies-R-Us Store (click here)
2. Ask the sales associate to print you a copy of the list
3. Follow directions given to you at the store

Option 2: Shop Online
1. Visit Babies-R-Us website
2. Go to the registry page (or just click here)
3. Search for our list using my name or by our number, 75279995

What is a Doula

2008-11-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

Thank you Kristin, for pointing this out to me. This morning on Today they did a segment on Doulas. Since my last post on hiring a Doula seemed to raise some questions, I thought I'd use this post to share some additional information.

What is a DOULA?

(from the DONA Website)

The word, "doula," comes from the Greek word for the most important female slave or servant in an ancient Greek household, the woman who probably helped the lady of the house through her childbearing. The word has come to refer to "a woman experienced in childbirth who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to the mother before, during and just after childbirth." (Klaus, Kennell and Klaus, Mothering the Mother)

A doula...

Recognizes birth as a key life experience that the mother will remember all her life...

Understands the physiology of birth and the emotional needs of a woman in labor...

Assists the woman and her partner in preparing for and carrying out their plans for the birth...

Stays by the side of the laboring woman throughout the entire labor...

Provides emotional support, physical comfort measures, an objective viewpoint and assistance to the woman in getting the information she needs to make good decisions...

Facilitates communication between the laboring woman, her partner and clinical careproviders...

Perceives her role as one who nutures and protects the woman's memory of her birth experience.

Getting Ready for Speck - Expenses

2008-11-09T18:58:00.001-07:00

Well, we are almost at week 18 and most of the last two weeks have been consumed by two things: work and the election. And while this is not a forum for politics, I must say that I am jubilant about the fact that my child will be born in the first 100 days of our Nation's first African-American President. I have no doubt that Speck will grow up to know an America that is forever changed from the one that Erik and I grew up in.

With the comfort of knowing that income is once again on the way, I've been freed up to think about the expenses of maternity. I need to figure these things out so that I can appropriately plan my medical flex spending account (might as well take as many of those pre-tax benefits as possible!!). Hopefully I will be able to sit down with someone at the doctor's office next week and estimate out all of the various insurance costs on the near horizon.

There are two very important services I have been researching (pre-birth and post-birth): Doulas and Nannys.

A Doula is a woman who specializes in childbirth. She attends delivery, is there the entire time, and provides support in any form needed. This includes everything from fetching snacks to pre-natal massage. I've decided that I don't want to put the pressure on Erik to be my sole support system during delivery. Right now I'm lining up interviews and hope to have a Doula selected by month end (so that I can include her costs in my flex account).

I'm also hoping to find a Nanny to help with child care until the baby is old enough to get a benefit out of attending daycare. Ideally, I'd like to find a native Spanish speaker who will also help with cooking and cleaning. I've talked to friends and know that not only do such things exist, but that children who grow up around a Nanny speaking another language are likely to pick up on the second language. It would be great if we could give Speck a head start on his/her bilingual skills. Unfortunately, I don't think you find a Spanish only Nanny on Craigslist or nanny.com -- so I'm putting my need out there in the world and hoping someone with a lead or two comes across this blog!!

16 Weeks - First Flutters

2008-10-28T20:04:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I started my new job. The question of whether or not I am showing was resolved, when all 3 of my office mates told me they had figured out on their own that I'm pregnant. I was worried they would think I'm fat!

I caved last week and bought some maternity clothes. Their great. The pants feel like PJ pants! I'm up to 120 pounds...the most I have ever weighed for a total of 5 pounds of baby gain. I already am starting to feel so big, I can't imagine what life will be like in another month or two!

And this week's most exciting news is that this morning I'm pretty sure I felt the baby! I've read a lot of descriptions of how the moment would feel, but I think my friend Niki described it best--like little ball bearings. At fist I thought it was just a grumbly tummy, but when I placed my hand on my tummy and focused on the flutters, they bounced around in one area--just like the little ultra sound dance.
Here is this week's Speck Development Update (courtesey of babycenter.com):

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

Speck - Week 15...Shopping!!

2008-10-20T10:22:00.000-06:00

15 Weeks Pregnant

Well, little speck isn't so little anymore and we might need to find a new nickname! The link above comes from 3DPregnancy, which has a ton of interesting information as well as some very cool 3D rotatable images of the baby's development week by week.

My weekly self weigh in and measurement is a Monday night ritual, and I'm writing this on Monday morning, so I don't have an update...but I've definitely popped this week. As Jami said, anyone who knows me knows that I've never had a gut and that I'm preggo...but to any outsider I still think I look more chubby than pregnant. Yesterday I had to resort to the rubber band on my pants trick because buttoning them was just too much work, and I've ordered a Bella Band to help get a couple more weeks out of my jeans.

Sometime this week I'm headed off for a shopping spree for new work clothes. The new job is biz casual, whereas the last job was either suits or street clothes, so I really don't have anything that fits the new dress code anyway. I think I'm going to stick with non maternity clothes for now, and buy a couple sizes larger than my normal 2/4, and ideally these new clothes will work for a while after the baby comes as well.

A little hint to the grandma's-to-be: my favorite store, Anne Taylor Loft, does not carry their maternity line in Colorado--but they do at the Columbia Mall and Santana Row...

Job Update...

2008-10-15T17:44:00.000-06:00

Just thought I'd let you all know that I got a job!!

After having 3 meetings with the soon to be new boss, I decided that the best thing to do was tell him the truth (after I had the offer letter in hand). I had a lot of concerns about how he would respond, but everything worked out and I can safely say he is still glad he hired me.

I start work on the 27th of this month (the same day Erik starts his new job). The position requires minimal travel, the office is nice and close to home, the benefits are great, and the salary is higher than I was earning before. I'd say that overall, this is a better job than the one I left 10 weeks ago.

So now I can relax, know I will be insured, and just let Speckers grow!

14 Weeks - Pregnant, who?

2008-10-13T20:01:00.000-06:00

I skipped week 13 out of superstition and general uneventfulness, so here we are at week 14...OFFICIALLY in the 2nd Trimester now by all counting methods.

I'm pretty much feeling not at all pregnant right now. My skin is back to it's normal, smooth, zit free complexion. The gas and bloating of the last 3 weeks has returned to a normal, pre-preggo level. I've only gained 1 pound since August 11th. My waistline hasn't gotten any rounder (though it did measure one inch longer today). No mood swings, no crazy behavior, nada.

I have this fear that I will go in for my next ultrasound (on the 22nd) and they are going to say "we're sorry Mrs. Kubec, you were never really pregnant!". If I hadn't seen speck swimming around with my own eyes I'd think I was making the whole thing up.

On the other hand, not looking or feeling preggo is a good thing for the job search. I've pretty much made up my mind that I am not going to tell my future employer about my "condition" prior to a job offer, and even after that I think I will wait until I'm settled in. In fact, I am still toying with the idea of pretending it is new news when I am ready to break it. The travel and the stress of unemployment were causing my cycle to be irregular (Mr. Boss), and now I finally understand why the food in Mexico was so gross!!

One sign though that I am in deed pregnant--today I had a craving for a tuna sandwich (speaking of food). I have NEVER had a desire to eat a tuna sandwich...I didn't even know how to make one!

And here you have it, your Speck Progress Report for week 14, provided courtesey of baby-gaga.com:

At about 3.5 inches long, their little body and limber limbs are coordinated enough for loads of complicated motions. In fact, their whole body is moving right now! You're not feeling it because their current size is still a bit too small to make an impact you'd recognize. Still, their movements are recognizable on an ultrasound...Your baby is also starting to develop the ability to move their eyes this week, although the eyelids still remain fused shut. What's more, they can make all sorts of fun facial expressions as they practice squinting, frowning, and grimacing. Cute development of the week: their little hands can grasp at things and they may already be sucking their thumb!

12 Weeks - Some Numbers

2008-09-30T10:28:00.000-06:00

Still feeling pretty good at 12 weeks, and we're almost done with the first Trimester. I took my first set of measurements yesterday, which should be fun to track over the next few months.

Weight: 115
Belly (Around): 35"
Belly (Top to Bottom): 13"
Clothes: All of my size 2 and 4 suits still fit!

I personally do not think I am showing, the bulge around my belly is pretty much the same size as it was on a bloated day pre-preggo. In fact, I actually have lost 2 pounds since learning that the baby was on the way (the NP says that I probably just burned off some fat). However, longtime friends all swear they can see a bump, and I had my first request to touch my belly this weekend.

Here's an update on how Speck is growing, according to babycenter.com

How your baby's growing

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder. Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

11 Weeks - Little Swimmer

2008-09-23T14:27:00.000-06:00

Today I had my second ultrasound! My frustrations over the $250 appointment cost and the hour delay (after they told me to be early) quickly evaporated when they turned on the ultrasound machine and I was able to see Speck.

I got pictures, of course, but since we don't have a scanner I am posting pictures of some other baby's ultrasound that I found on a Google Image search (repeat: this is not our Speck).

Exciting growth & development achievements for this week according to my wealth of web research include: ability to swallow and pee, ability to touch and taste, flexible arms, fingernails and toenails.

We witnessed baby acrobatics during the ultrasound, as Speck bounced around quite a bit and even waved his/her arms at us. The NP was able to get a measure of the head and thinks she might have been off by a week on the original due date, but they won't be able to confirm until the "big" ultrasound in 2 months. Either way, looks like Speck is coming in early April...another Kubec April birthday.

Home from Mexico

2008-09-20T20:36:00.001-06:00

Erik and I finally returned from Mexico today. We headed straight for the store and stocked up on all the foods we've been missing...bratwurst, chips & salsa, cokes, cheddar cheese, you name it. We had a yummy dinner of fresh tomatoes, brats, and garlic bread. And then I puked it all up.

Why did my first pregnancy puke have to be a meal I've been dying to eat for weeks? How unfair! Maybe my mind has been effective at keeping my cookies while we were in Mexico, because I didn't want to put my head in Olivia's toilette (it was always full of blue toilette cleaning stuff). Or maybe my stomach just needs some time to adjust to food that actually tastes good.

I hope this isn't the start of morning sickness. At almost 11 weeks, I thought I was in the clear. I haven't had any preggo symptoms in over a week. I need to feel not pregnant for a couple more weeks so I can land a job! I've got my eye on one with a really nice base and paid maternity leave...can't be throwing up in interviews!!

Speck - Week 10

2008-09-15T09:16:00.000-06:00

Speck is now in Week 10. I'm very excited for next week's doctor's appointment, where I think we will be doing another ultrasound and listening for a heartbeat! Click here for more details on how speck is growing.

I'm still feeling relatively symptom free. I did have a couple of "oh I think I'm gonna puke" moments last week (right after I bragged in my last post about not having any morning sickness), but they were brief and uneventful. I was so bloated earlier this weekend that I did get a preview into what I'll look like in a month, but it was good timing because nobody asked me if I wanted any tequilla when we went on the Jose Cuervo tour.

I'm sleeping a ton, and I am really glad that I had these five weeks free of work. Since I'm not ready to make an announcement to an employer, I don't know how I would have suffered through all of the fatigue at work. And from everything I have read, I should be getting some of my energy back during the second trimester---just in time to start a new job!

Speck - Week 9

2008-09-09T18:51:00.000-06:00

I've signed up for about 10 different web services that send me weekly updates on how Speck is growing. Apparently, this week he/she graduates from an embryo to a fetus...yeah Speck! Keep up the good work.

The symptom of the week this week is fatigue. I'm glad that I don't have a job at the moment, because I'm not sure how I would be doing right now. According to my weekly updates, the fatigue should fade in a couple more weeks...at least for a while.

The good news is, still no puking and my oily face has yet to yield a pimple!

Pregnancy & Mexican Food

2008-09-07T12:39:00.000-06:00

One of the more challenging parts of the last 3 weeks of pregnancy has been life in Mexico. I do like Mexican food. I thought my problems here would be limited to pinto beans and corn tortillas.

What I was not prepared for was the strong reaction that speck & my stomach have had to smells and things that just don't look good. I've always been a picky eater, but now instead of just being grossed out I am finding myself nauseous. I am so tired of onions, chicken with bones, fresh tortillas that smell like dog food, and the other assorted wierd things that they eat here!

In the last week, I've resorted to exaggerating food cravings: Pizza, Mac & Cheese, Cheerio's, etc. I feel bad, because Olivia is trying so hard to make sure I'm eating...but sometimes I can barely enter the kitchen! This weekend Erik & I have the house to ourselves. In a few minutes, we're going to walk to the store and find the ingredients to make REAL spaghetti for dinner. YUM!!

Spanish Name Correction

2008-09-02T12:18:00.000-06:00

El nombre de Speck en Español es Pundito, no es Motito.

We tried to explain the nickname Speck to our teacher today and were advised that Pundito is a better word. Apparently Motito has some other connotation (related to marijuana).

7 Weeks & Counting

2008-09-01T20:58:00.000-06:00

It has been 3 weeks since I learned that "Speck" is on the way. Somewhere between quiting my job (read: giving up my insurance) and departing for a 4 week trip to Guadalajara, I realized that I'd missed something. After waking up in a panic, taking the HPT, and listening to my best friend tell me that there are no false positive pregnancy tests, I broke the news to Erik.

Surprisingly, all is well. And much to my relief, we still went to Mexico.Week 7 Symptoms: Lets just say, prunes are my new favorite food. And I can smell onions from a mile away. Heavy meals with lots of flavor aren't very appealing. And my bladder is on a once every 2 hour schedule. Perhaps my mood is a little out of whack, but who am I to say?

We've been referring to the baby as "Speck" (or "Motito" in Spanish) because in the very preliminary ultra-sound taken at week 5, he/she/it was about 5mm long.

We've broken the news to our family and everyone is very excited. And we've told everyone we've met in Mexico (I feel like I have to explain why I don't want Cervezas or Tequilla). I'm hoping to get a job before I spill the beans to the world in full, so for now this blog is by invitation only.

I decided to start a blog on the whole process, because I'm pretty much obsessed with it right now anyway and I might as well do something somewhat productive with all of that energy!